This is the final post in a nine-part series on Coaching.
Are you ready to coach?
Step 1 – Read
#1 – Coach Like You’ve Been There Before
#2 – What is a Coach?
#3 – The Problem is Not the Problem
#4 – Get You’re Distinct Shit Connected
#5 – Listen to me Linda
#6 – The Fork in the Coaching Conversation
#7 – Just Say It
#8 – Don’t Attack, Defend or Run Away
Step 2 – Recite
Here are some great quotes to recite to yourself:
“What qualifies you as a coach is the current depth of work you are doing on self, not the current state of your self.” Stan Proffitt, Shoshin Leadership Inc.
You don’t need all the answers, in fact, you don’t need any. In order to help others become more clear, responsible and courageous one must be working on those attributes in self. This quote cuts through any excuses you may have about your current skill level and holds you to account for not resting on your laurels as your skill develops. It is better to be a rookie coach who is committed to deep learning than to be a seasoned expert with all the answers.
“Go for it – you’re all they’ve got” John Engels, Leadership Coaching Inc.
What’s at stake for the people you have the opportunity to coach is emotional maturity. You’ve been following along with these blog posts and have been exposed to ideas rooted in scientific research of pioneering psychiatrist Dr. Murray Bowen and advanced by the worlds leading thinkers on emotional maturity. Who better than you, right now, to put these ideas into practice!
“Can you stay curious for just a little bit longer and rush to advice giving a little more slowly?” Micheal Stanier author of The Coaching Habit
Just a little bit longer? One more question before you problem solve. Do this iteratively and you will find that before long you will be working less hard, be taking on less stress and will have more time for higher level priorities.
Step 3 – Review
How is it going? Where do you find yourself rushing in to give answers? How much of your functioning is driven by your own anxiety to solve the problem vs. the reality needs of your direct reports or children? How much time do you spend talking vs listening? Where did you ask a question where stating a position would have been more appropriate? How have you been caught in triangles?
Can you see yourself?
For me, the most profound insights into my own functioning were made possible by a coach, friend or family member who had the courage to deliver a difficult message or take a clear I-position. Who is giving you this type of feedback? Do you want to become a better leader? A better parent? A better spouse? Let’s Chat.
Step 4 – Repeat
Deep work on self > Go for it > Stay Curious